Blood Moon
by Scream-in-Cathedrals
Summary: Bella turns from catatonic to angry, and realizes the Cullens weren't exactly what she thought they were. In particular, she dwells on Alice, and suddenly her anger takes on a whole knew element. What will Bella do with these new emotions? And how does Victoria figure into things? Femslash, AU, poly Bella/Alice/Victoria endgame.
1. Rage and Pleasure

_So this is no longer strictly a oneshot - but you probably know that by now. To reiterate: this started differently, but now this is Bella/Victoria/Alice. This wasn't the intent originally, but now it is, etc, etc. Enjoy!  
Do I own Twilight and the characters involved? Nope, but I think you already knew that._

* * *

Chapter One - Rage and Pleasure

It had been four and a half months since the departure of the Cullens. Four and half months since the world that I had built for myself, the world I had come to love, collapsed in on itself. My newly found family, parents, sisters and brothers, walked out without saying a single word. And I was fucking furious.

I admit, the first two months, it was rough. I found myself in a semi-catatonic state. I could barely interact with other people, I didn't eat all that frequently. I didn't sleep properly. I was like a pathetic, lost little lamb. My friends were confused, not understanding why was so intensely depressed; it wasn't as though I could explain the depth and true nature of my relationship with Edward, I couldn't say that I had deluded myself into thinking we would spend an eternity together. I just had to give them half truths, and half answers. Eventually, they realized this, and they stopped trying to interact with me. It was painful, but I was expecting it

This was my life. Empty and anguished. That is, until one day near Thanksgiving, when in an emotional fit, I kicked a floorboard, and saw the presents from my birthday that Edward had told me he had taken. His idea was we have a clean break, that he make it like they had never existed - so he took my possessions, and hid them from me. When I first saw them, especially the pictures, I cried. I cried, harder than I had in months. I looked at us, our stupid look of affection, me and my friends - and then I became angry, I became seriously angry, because I realized why he had left. Why he had done this.

In Phoenix, Edward had tried to get me to move, to get me away from him, for my own safety - it was a remarkably stupid, if well-intentioned, attempt at self sacrifice. I begged him to stay, and he agreed, for "As long as it was safe for me." And when I saw those gifts, I immediately realized that was why he left me. Why he had left. After the incident at the birthday party which I didn't want, he likely became convinced he was endangering my life, so he forced his family to leave. He thought it wasn't safe for me. And it pissed me off. He took away my choice in the matter - I admit, in the days leading up to his departure, I was getting a bit aggravated by his constant presence, and his possessiveness. His decision to ensure we had every single class together in particular was infuriating. But that didn't mean I wanted him to leave. He made a major life decision for me, and chose to remove people cared about from my life.

I admit, the rage was sudden, but it was a welcome change from the moping - I appreciated feeling something powerful, something strong. I felt rage at Edward, for deciding he could run my life. I felt angry at Carlisle, for catering to his son's every whim. I was less angry and still mostly just felt pain for Esme, a woman who said she viewed me as her daughter, and woman who I viewed as the mother mine never was. Somehow, despite this, she was able to leave without another word. I was angry at my "brothers" as well, goofy Emmett with his wild energy and his insistence on calling me his baby sister at every turn, and calm, stoic Jasper, who rarely spoke but made sure to let me know he viewed me as a sister. He always said once I was turned, we'd be closer, and I was stupid enough to believe him, I was even angry at Rosalie - we never exactly got along, but I enjoyed her presence and her beauty. I spent a lot of time when she was around, staring at her elegant features, beautiful even when scowling. I sometimes dwelled on the shape of her lips or the shimmer of her hair int he sunlight. I didn't understand my fixation with her, but I still desperately wanted her to like me.

But more than anyone else, I was angry at Alice. My supposed best friend, my sister, the psychic - she had to have seen what the sudden departure had done to me. She had to have been looking in the future to see what could have potentially happened at the party, but she let it happen anyway. She allowed her brother to smash my heart in the woods, and didn't do a goddamn thing. And she left without saying goodbye. She didn't leave me a letter, or any acknowledgment that I had held any significance in her life beyond being a human plaything. She said she loved me, and then threw me out like trash.

I spent a lot of time dwelling on Alice and my friendship with her - all the time we spent together, all her insufferable but ultimately enjoyable shopping trips. Everything that passed between us. It was her, more than any of the rest of them, that I missed. I wanted her back most of all - I could never see all of them again, but if I could see Alice, I would be full of joy. My fondness for her had always scared me, the significance of it. But now I didn't care that I almost loved her more than Edward. I just wanted her back.

It was clear to me that the person I am now, the rage I have, would not have been good for me and Edward. We wouldn't have been together - I think that, had he stayed, he would have grown to irritate me. His refusal to change me, his stubborn attitude towards sex, and his overall dated perspective. But what would have happened then? I can't say. If he came back now, though? I would scream at him. I would yell, curse, fight back. Everything I had refused to do when he was still here, everything I wanted to do and say would pill out of me. I would spend hours fantasizing about the shocked expression on his face, the chastising tone he would take, the pitiful expression he'd opt for when he wanted to get his way. I pictured him trying to dazzle me, and me spitting in his face in response.

My favorite fantasies were those centering around Alice's return. Would I forgive her? Would I scream at her like Edward? Or would I fall to her feet, sobbing, begging for her return? I would lie in bed, close my eyes, and picture her face. Would she look sad, and guilty, would her topaz eyes shine with tears that would never fall? Would she just smile, and laugh, pulling me into her arms like nothing had changed? It drove me mad and I lost hours to the thought of her face. These fantasies were both worse and better than the ones about Edward, as they filled me with more conflicting emotions. I tried to hard to live my life in one gear - rage, and rage only. This allowed me to avoid the darker underbelly of what I felt. Still, I took a sick pleasure at the image of Alice with her arms around my waist, her chin pressed into the base of my stomach, begging for forgiveness. I would run my hands through her hair and pull her away to look in her eyes, and I would answer differently each time. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But it was always me in control.

This anger and my fantasies had consumed a lot of my life. I may have even further alienated all my friends in the process (Angela was the only one who still talked to me), and irreparably damaged my relationship with my mother in the process, but at least I wasn't catatonic anymore. That had to be better, right?

* * *

I sighed, glancing at the clock in the dashboard of my truck. I didn't know why I was here now. This was seriously going to interfere with the "single emotion" strategy, but I had to see it. I had to know it was still here. There were moments where I sometimes felt that the Cullens were no more than a dream, and seeing this house would put that to rest. I opened the door, and stepped out onto the gravel of their driveway.

The house was still there, grand and ridiculous as ever. I knew they were a large family, but I never quite understood the desire to live in a large mansion. Now that I'm alone, I think I get it. There's something beautiful about a grand house - even when it's empty, it looks full of life. You can look at the house, and imagine lots of people live there. It looks like the sort of place a family would live, a large, wealthy, human family - which is the illusion they were going for. I bitterly pondered how long they would stay away from this place. I pictured myself living here, withering away in this tomb of a house, and I almost laughed. Me, ancient, greeting when they returned here in 6 decades, wrinkled and half dead, while they were still the same undead beauties they would remain for eternity. Or, for as long as the earth was here, anyway.

I walked up to the door, and touched the knob. It moved with ease, and I realized they hadn't locked it. I wondered why that was. I entered the house, and took a deep breath. It smelled stale. It was obvious they had left very quickly. Much of the furniture was still here, covered in sheets. The great room was still in the configuration it had been in for the disastrous birthday party. The roses were gone, but i could see a small shard of glass underneath one of the tables, slightly stained with by blood. The vastness of the room gave it the effect of some sort of haunted house. It was obvious someone had lived here once, but they were long gone. I could feel their ghosts roaming the room, and I shut my eyes. For the first time in months, I didn't dwell in a bitter fantasy, and instead allowed my memories of the family to flood my mind. Images of Edward playing languid compositions while I looked on in awe, Alice laughing as she forced me to play dress up, Emmett and Jasper bickering in front of the Tv while Esme looked on in a mixture of annoyance and amusement. Alice's laugh, like bells, rang in my ears, and let out a sigh. I missed her so much. Beyond wanting to make her suffer, hear her beg for for forgiveness, I just wanted to hear that sound again. I felt my rage wash away, and get replaced with the anguish I had succumbed to in September.

I opened my eyes again and shuddered. I didn't like this feeling. My singular emotions were gone, and now I felt a wide range of things. I moved through the grand room, trailing my fingers across the leather sofa, causing the sheet to fall. I remembered sitting here, having Alice force a pedicure on me, and I felt another spasm of pain. I shook my head, attempting to clear my thoughts, and walked through the room, over the staircase, avoiding looking at the barren walls - all things of value had been stripped from the house. Esme's art and decorative pieces were gone. The Cullens only seemed to take their personal items with them when they left a place. Furniture and unwanted appliance were left to collect dust over the decades, their closets full of dated clothes. They could probably fill a museum with all the fashions they had acquired over the years. Another thing Alice would probably do. Another spasm of pain. I sighed, and continued up the steps.

* * *

Alice's bedroom looked essentially the same as it had when I had last been here. The large bed took up the center of the relatively small room, with a dresser adjacent to it. This had been covered with Jasper's personal effects, and had held his clothes; it was now as bare as everything else in the house. The bed had been stripped, leaving other but a very large mattress. I had always wondered how Alice was able to deal with the severe height difference between her and Jasper. This bed was clearly designed for his very tall frame, and every time she sat on it I remembered her looking like she was about to be swallowed up by the sheets. Another spasm of pain and a bitter laugh. I sighed. Too many memories in this room as well. The further I got into this house, the harder it was to hold onto this anger I had cultivated. I knew that if I spent too long here, I would either return to my catatonia, or regress even further to my hopeful, longing self from the beginning of last year, the version of me that was pathetic enough to pine for Edward and fall for him in the first place.

I turned around, and looked at her walk-in closet. I knew if I went inside there, I would not be able to go back. But I wanted desperately to see just some proof that Alice was really here at one point. I stood up, and carefully opened the white doors. The walk-in closet was nearly twice the size of the bedroom. I remembered the dread I used to feel whenever Alice would pull me into here, but now...I almost smiled at the room. It was, of course, unsurprisngly full. Alice was never one to hold onto outfits for long, so it made sense that she had left most of her Forks wardrobe to collect dust. For once, I was relieved that she was so fashion-savvy. The closet was full of her distinct vanilla tinged scent, as it lingered over all her dresses. I inhaled, letting her scent fill my nostrils, and shuddered. I felt a strange warmth pool in the pit of my stomach, like a liquid heat. I ignored the unwelcome sensation and moved deeper into her racks of clothes. I stopped at the back of the closet, and felt my heart drop out of my stomach.

Here was a rack with an envelope attached to it, with the words, "For Bella," lovingly inscribed on the front. I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes, but fought against, trying to remember my rage. I screamed at the top of my lungs, grabbing the dresses on the rack and ripping them off their hangers. I picked one long, satin dress and ripped it down the seams, before I collapsed to the floor with another wail of fury and pain. I could feel the pain in my chest convulsing and ripping through me, and for once I gave into it. I cried and screamed on the floor of Alice's closet like a child throwing a tempter tantrum. I don't know how long it lasted, but it felt extremely liberating.

When it ended, I was panting, lying on a pile of old dresses. I likely looked ridiculous, but I didn't care. I was feeling every emotion I had been repressing behind my blind rage, and I felt alive.

After what felt like an hour, but was probably only brief amount of time, I sighed, and sat up. I saw the letter, and opened it.

 _Dear Bella,_

 _I'm sorry we left so suddenly. I'm sure you'll think that apology is too little too late, and I know it is, but I still mean it. I left this here because I had a vision of you visiting the house at some point. These are all for you, provided you haven't torn too many of them (don't worry, the blue dress wasn't expensive).  
_ _I promise you, I will be back at some point. But things needed to go this way. Again, know that's not a helpful explanation, but I can guarantee someday you will understand.  
_ _Please, remember above all, that I love you. I did when we left, and I still do. Edward has asked me not to look too far into your future, but I promise I will check up on you. Remember: it's signifiant things that I see the most.  
_ _Please don't be too angry with me or the rest of us, especially Esme. We really had no choice._

 _Love,  
_ _Alice_

I clutched the letter to my chest, and I began to cry again _._

* * *

I don't know how it happened, but here I was, standing naked in the Cullen's bathroom. After my fit in Alice's closet, I decided what I really needed was a good bath. Charlie's house only had an old shower, and felt like the muscles in back were screaming with tension after months of barely moving. The bathroom next to Carlisle and Esme's bedroom had a massive bathtub in it, and I quickly stripped out of my clothes in my haste to get in, peeling off layer by layer as I walked to the bathroom. I stared at the empty tub, and was overcome with an unwelcome memory.

 _'It was summer, and Esme was running a bath for me, so Alice wouldn't have to help me shower. I had enjoyed my time showering with Alice, so I had protested, but Esme had coaxed me into it. I was sitting there, wearing nothing but a bathrobe, when a question popped into my head._

 _"Esme, I know you're vampires, but why is the tub so obscenely large?" Esme looked at me, slight mirth in her eyes, and laughed._

 _"Bella, it's designed that way so two people can sit in it," she replied, her voice sounding like a series of chimes and bells. I immediately blushed, and was about to respond, when Rosalie walked by the open bathroom._

 _"Don't worry, Bella," she said, smirking at me, "I'm sure Edward will show you the benefits of the tub eventually." I was so shocked that I had almost fallen into the tub. Esme quickly scolded her, but I was honestly so happy she had acknowledged my existence that I didn't care. That was the first and last time that Rosalie ever said my name.'_

I returned to reality, shuddering. There are too many memories here, I thought to myself. I sighed, and began to run the water. I looked at my body in the large mirror, and remembered Alice's letter. I sighed, returning to her closet, and grabbing one the dresses she had picked for me, not looking at it. If I was going to spend more time in this emotionally haunted house, I may as well get something material out of it. I walked back to the bathroom, and laid the dress on the sink. By now, the tub was full, and I turned off the faucet.

I looked back to the dress I had grabbed, examining it in my hands. I knew from the label it was Versace, its color a deep, deep red. It was a floor length piece, with long, sheer sleeves, and a slit up the left side to show off my legs. I couldn't imagine where I would ever wear this dress, and I sighed at Alice's choice. Not thinking, I picked up the dress and pulled it over my bare body. The material was very thin, and provided a lovely sensation as it slid over my nipples. I looked back in the mirror, and shrugged. It was a beautiful dress, but it looked ridiculous on me. It was clearly designed for someone with important places to be, someone with fashion sense. I was neither. Still, I liked the dress. Dammit.

I brushed my hands over the material, tracing the collarbone and the texture of my breasts beneath the soft fabric. I shuddered, and without thinking, I climbed into the warm tub with the dress still on. The fabric began to absorb the water as it hit my skin, and I sighed in contentment as the temperature of the water began to loosen my muscles, and I shut my eyes, allowing my head to submerge under the water.

I began to drift into one of my fantasies, remembering the smell of Alice from her closet. I sighed as more heat began to pool between my legs as I pictured Alice's smiling face, and I wondered why that was. I pictured Alice begging for forgiveness again, and the sensation intensified. I pictured her chin on my stomach, my hands running themselves through her hair, tracing the shape of her lips with my finger. In my head, Alice looked up at me, desire in her inky black eyes, as she kissed my stomach, inching down my body...

I let out a gasp and lifted my head above the water. Why was I thinking of this? Why did the image of Alice kissing my stomach, lowering herself onto my sex cause such a strong reaction from me. Even in my repulsion and horror at my own imagination, the warmth and wetness between my thighs had yet to fade, and it became more pronounced as I pictured Alice's plump, marble lips again. I let out a moan, and I lowered my head back beneath the water, picturing Alice again, as she stood up in my fantasy, and pressed herself against me. I imagined her tracing the shape of my mouth with her icy tongue, and I let out another soundless moan as I slid my hand between my legs, slipping my hands into my sex, touching my clit lightly as I did so. I pictured Alice again, that same tongue entering my mouth, her breasts heavy on mine, and I began to pump my hand rhythmically in and out of myself, rubbing my clit and arching my back. I pictured Alice, naked, kissing me in her bed, her hand slipping between my legs, and began to pump faster, water filling my mouth as I did so. I tried to speak her name but I couldn't, so I just sped up again, allowing the images to become more graphic, her tongue slipping between my folds and me bucking my hips into her face. I was losing breath but I couldn't stop, I continued to pleasure myself as I pictured Alice's face between my legs, her tongue probing my center, making me lose control...

My orgasm came all too suddenly and all too powerfully, and I hit my head against the tub as I succumbed to the sensation crashing over me. I brought my head to the surface my head throbbing as I basked in the afterglow. What. The hell. Was that?

All my fantasies of Alice had never taken that direction before, and I was shocked at myself. What did this mean? Did I want Alice? Why would I picture my supposed "sister" with her head between my legs? I shuddered at the thought, feeling the warmth approach again in my center, and I stood up in frustration. I couldn't do that again. Somewhere, my anguish had turned into anger, and that had turned into ecstasy , and now all these emotions were combining into a confusing cocktail of rage and pleasure, pooling in my stomach and confusing the hell out of me. Was this what I wanted all along? Had I along the way somehow fallen in love with Alice? Did she know? Is that why she left?

I was angry again. Maybe she did know, maybe she saw it causing a problem, and she left before I could find out. Or maybe she felt the same, and allowed my relationship with her brother to fall apart so she could escape his telepathy allowing him to learn the truth. Did she see this happening? Did she see me, moaning her name in her bathtub, touching myself to the picture of her? Did she none of this and just suspected it? Did it even matter?

I let out another frustrated scream and looked at myself in the mirror. I was drenched, my eyes were puffy. I saw myself, emotional, hormonal, panting and sick, and I finally came to two realizations.

One: I was absolutely furious with Alice Cullen.

Two: I wanted her back in my life desperately, so I could make her mine.

Three: I, Bella Swan, was gay. And there was no dancing around that fact.

Shit.


	2. Deeper Understanding

_A/N: So yeah, this is no longer a oneshot. So this is was originally meant as Bella/Alice, then Bella/Victoria as I was extending it, and now it's a Bella/Alice/Victoria piece._ _This is not necessarily how I intended this to go, but this is where my inspiration took me, and I'm really excited about it. Again, some of you may have hoped for just straight up Bellice, but I wanted to do something...different. Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy this. Please send positive and constructive feedback!_

 _(Also if you're coming to this having already read the first chapter, don't worry, I haven't really tweaked it at all, besides extending the ending - anyway, enjoy!)_

* * *

 _Chapter 2 - Deeper Understanding_

I'm standing in the Cullen's bathroom, soaked from head to toe, still wearing Alice's overexpensive dress. And I finally look myself in the eye and think: I'm gay. I'm gay. So this is it? I'm gay, and I want Alice. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this information? I can't do anything about it, certainly - Alice is gone, and she has Jasper. At least I think she does. I had never actually heard Alice call Jasper her husband, but assume that was just an oversight on her part. Anyway, when did this happen? Didn't I want Edward? Didn't I enjoy kissing Edward?

Hmm. That was a tough question. I did, in theory. I always was left wanting more from his kisses, never really getting satisfaction from them. At the time, I just thought this was because Edward never let the kisses go any further than closed mouths, never let me get too close to him. I always wanted them to be better, but I assumed that would be fixed by him allowing them to have more passion, more fire. He was too cautious. I tried to picture, for a moment, going further than Edward - I replaced him in the explicit fantasies I had of Alice, trying to imagine straddling him, his head between my thighs, his tongue tracing the shape of...

NO. No. Something about that felt fundamentally wrong to me. I shuddered at the thought. I admit, even though I wanted things to go further between us, I was always ultimately fine with our slow tempo. I never really tried to push back against his limits. Was that because I enjoyed those limits? And then, why was I even attracted to him in the first place? I shut my eyes, trying to think of the first thing I noticed about him, the things that attracted me to him. I landed on two things: his topaz eyes, and his delicate lips. His eyes were so kind, and his lips so soft; there was something delicate about his feature, something beautiful and uniquely...feminine. That was it. I loved his femininity.

And then, I loved seeing Alice. Why else would I have put up with her obsessive shopping trips and her insistence on constant sleepovers? In some ways, I looked more forward to seeing her than I did seeing him. She was easily my favorite member of the Cullen family. I was easily most crushed by her abscence - and then there was Rosalie, how much I wanted her to like me, how beautiful she was. Shit. I was attracted to her. I was really, really attracted to Rosalie too - not like Alice, but I saw her beauty too. How could I have not noticed this about myself. Wouldn't someone else have noticed this? Surely Jasper, the empath, must have felt my attraction if I didn't? This stopped me dead in my tracks. Is that why he avoided me?

I let out a primal scream of frustration. These questions did me no good now. The Cullens were gone, and I would never get real answers. I guess I just had to take this knowledge and use it some other way. I'm gay, and I apparently love a woman who left me without a second thought.

* * *

I arrived home at 7 to very nervous looking Charlie. All I had left for him was a note stating I had gone for a drive, without any further explanation. I could see he was full of questions, but I chose to ignore them, and I began mechanically making dinner. This was our typical routine now: I would make dinner in silence, and he would watch me with concern in his eyes, occasionally using a question that would either go unanswered or cause me to react with some hostility. It was an uncomfortable routine, but it worked for me. Not for him, though, apparently, because tonight, after I finally completed the meal and served it to him, he banged his fist on the table and shouted, "THAT'S IT, Bella! I'm sending you home!"

What, I thought. Home?

"Dad," I mumbled, attempting to sound sincere, "I am home."

"No, Bella," said Charlie, "I'm sending you back to Renee, in Jacksonville." My heart dropped out of my stomach. Renee? Jacksonville? No. Absolutely not. I could not handle Renee right now. Charlie at least left me alone; Renee would be coddling me, attempting to get me to talk about my feelings, along with expecting me to take care of the house for her. No, I was not going back.

"Dad, I'm happy here. I want to stay with you."

"You're not happy, Bella. Don't lie to me," he said, in a mixture of bitterness and sadness. "You haven't been happy in a long time. Not since…they left." He winced as he said they, and I felt that old hollowness in my stomach throb again. It was mostly gone, but it still hurt.

"Dad, I've been trying, very hard. I've gotten a bit better." I knew this was partially true - I had improved, definitely.

"Bella, you haven't gotten better, you've just gotten angrier," he said exasperatedly. "I admit, when you developed this new…rage I thought it was an improvement. It was better than how lifeless you had been. At least now you had emotions, you were doing something. But then it turned into this irrational pattern, and now you've pushed everyone even further away. I don't know why you keep doing this to yourself."

"Doing what to myself, Dad?" I asked, slowly, trying to convey my irritation and dread in my voice.

"Waiting…for them. They're not coming back," he said.

"I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone.

"Bella-," he began.

"No, Dad. I'm not waiting. I'm not. I may have been before, when I was lifeless, as you said, but not anymore." I took a deep breath, and braced myself. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. I went out today to visit a couple places I went with Edward and Alice. To…find some clarity. And I think I understand myself a lot better than I did before. Alice isn't ever coming back to me, and I've accepted that, no matter how painful that may be for me. He raised an eyebrow at that, likely noticing how I had emphasized Alice and not Edward, but pressed on.

"Dad, I want to go back to my real life. I want to try. Besides, moving would screw up me finishing high school, and I do have college to think about. I want to stay, Dad. With you." I hoped that placing focus on me wanting to stay with him would help sway him. He sighed, and for a moment, said nothing, before he begrudgingly nodded.

"Okay, Bella." He sighed. "It's not like I want you to go. I just want you to be happy." He stood up, and awkwardly wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, and leaned into his embrace. I really did mean it - I wanted to return to some semblance of a normal life. I just wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it. I desperately wanted to, though.

"I think I'll hang out with Jess or Angela tomorrow. After school." After saying this, I attempted an enthusiastic grin. Charlie could probably tell it was fake, but he seemed to go with it.

"Alright. I won't expect you home, then. _Have fun._ " Somehow the way he said those words made them sound less like encouragement and more like an order.

* * *

When I arrived at school the next day, I was confronted with just how severely I had been drifting these past few months. All my interactions with Mike and Jessica were brief, formal and clipped. In my mental and emotional absence, I seemed to have totally alienated them. They looked at me as though I was a bomb they were afraid they would accidentally trigger if they said or did the wrong thing. Had I really allowed myself to become that emotionally volatile? Yes. Yes, I had, apparently. Jessica was the worst, though. It had been weeks, maybe months, since Jess had even greeted me when I passed her in the hall. I knew I had offended her with my antisocial behavior, and she was sulking. Today, when I tried to greet her, she practically collapsed she looked so shock. She was hurt, and bitter.

It became very clear to me that my best option for having a girl's night was Angela, which is what I was afraid of. I adored Angela, and she had dutifully stood by me regardless. But she possessed far more depth than Jessica; if and when she asked me how was and what I was feeling, she'd expect a real answer. I wouldn't be able to hide from her. I sighed in frustration. Maybe it was a good thing, I thought. Maybe I should tell someone. If I just said the words "I'm a lesbian" out loud, perhaps it could soften the difficulty of accepting and understanding it.

I arrived in Calculus, and took my usual seat next to Angela. I swallowed, and spoke.

"Hi Angela," I said, attempting a friendly tone.

"Bella?" she asked, tentatively. Jesus, I really had been a nightmare.

"Yeah, it's me. Bella." I said, attempting a joking tone, and failing. I sighed and tried again. "Look, Angela, I know I've been a disaster these past four months, and I am really sorry about that, but I promise, I'm back now. Mostly." She didn't say anything, scrutinizing me, and then gave a warm smile that I probably didn't deserve.

"I'm glad, Bella. And I wouldn't call you a disaster, just...emotionally volatile," she finished I snorted, laughing for the first time in what felt like, and what probably was, months.

"You're being generous describing it that way, but thanks."

"I missed you, Bella. How are you, really?" she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Honestly? Not great, but I'm trying. I guess you could say I woke up a bit over this weekend. Rather, I...understand things now. Things I didn't understand before." She gave me a once-over, and then nodded.

"I'm glad you found some clarity, Bella," she said, smiling again, genuinely.

"Ang, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight. Go see a movie, you know. Like a girls night. We could talk, too," I added, hoping to placate any concern she had.

"That sounds good, Bella," she said, casually. She had already slipped back into her old rhythms, as though our friendship hadn't gone through any strain. "What do you want to see?"

"Um...honestly, I have no idea," I replied, sheepishly. Angela smirked, and pulled out her phone, presumably to google it.

"So...there's that new romantic comedy, a drama. And some horror movie called _Dead End._ Mike and Jessica saw it this Friday, said it was really scary."

"I like the sound of Dead End," I said, grinning at her. Angela didn't seem to be overly into the idea, but she nodded, likely out of relief that I was behaving like an actual person.

"Alright, Bella. I'll pick you up after school."

* * *

"You didn't like that movie, did you?" asked Angela, as we walked down the street. I sighed. Dead End had been…bizarre. It was like a weird mixture of violent and inadvertently hilarious. I suppose when your ex-boyfriend and ex best-friend were literally undead, movies about far less dangerous hordes of re-animated corpses doesn't really intimidate. At least the prospect of dinner was appealing.

"Not really, no. Horror films don't really scare me. I just picked it because I didn't think I could abide any romance movies, really." Angela nodded, understanding.

"I think I get that. Ever since I broke up with Ben, I haven't been too keen on them either." she said, sighing.

"You and Ben broke up?" I asked, surprised. How did I miss that? Oh, right. I grimaced.

"Yeah, it was November - you weren't exactly…emotionally present at the time," she said, again being much fairer than I deserved. "It wasn't too messy though, fairly mutual. Doesn't mean it was easy." I nodded, understanding.

"Mine was…not." I tried to stop my voice from quivering, and failed. Dammit Swan, get it together. Angela slowed her pace as we approached the cheap diner we were planning to eat at, and looked at me very carefully.

"I do want you to talk about it, Bella, but you don't have to. I know he meant a lot to you. And her, too." I almost laughed incredulously at that. Wonderful, so everyone else was more aware of how much I cared for Alice than I was. I sighed, and shook my head.

"No, I probably should, but let's order some food first." Angela nodded, and we entered the restaurant. A kind, overly friendly waitress took our orders, and left us to our own devices.

"She was very friendly," I commented.

"Friendly?" asked Angela, with an amused expression on her face. "She was obviously flirting with you, Bella." I was surprised. Was she? She had put her hand on my arm while asking me if I needed anything extra, but...really?

"I guess I don't usually notice that sort of thing. In my eyes, she was just being nice."

"Everyone flirts with you, Bella," remarked Angela, dryly. "Her, Mike, Tyler, Eric..."

"Oh I've noticed the guys, I just choose to ignore it out of the hope they'll develop some self respect." Angela laughed loudly and I joined her, reveling in the casual atmosphere. The waitress brought our food over, winking at me, and Angela covered her mouth to stop from giggling. I rolled my eyes and thanked her before quickly brushing her off. A few minutes passed in silence, before I decided to just blurt something out.

"Edward dumped me in the woods." I said, very suddenly and loudly. Angela looked up at me, and nodded.

"I knew you went missing for a while that day. Chief Swan was frantic."

"Yeah. He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk in the woods, and when we got deep enough in for some privacy, he told me his family was...moving and he didn't want me anymore. He told me Alice didn't want to say goodbye." My voice broke again, and I hid my face. Dammit, I refuse to cry again. Angela tenderly reached across the table and gently touched my hand.

"I'm sorry, Bella. That must have been awful."

"Yeah." We ate in silence before I spoke again. "I didn't understand why I was so broken by it, but I guess...I had come to see them as family, and they just left. It hurt. A lot. Hence the weird catatonic depression. Anyway, when Edward left, he took all the things he had given me, or at least he told me he did. A month and a half ago, I found them, and..."

"You became angry?" she asked.

"Yeah, basically. Mainly at Alice, though. I was so angry at her. I guess I was avoiding how much I missed her and felt for her." I sighed, not wanting to go further. Angela was looking at me curiously.

"When you say how much you felt for her..." she began, "what does that mean exactly?"

"I think I only just realized it yesterday. That I...well." I blushed slightly, embarassed and worried for her reaction. "I realized I felt things for her, beyond friendship. Stronger than what I felt for Edward." I paused, and didn't look at Angela.

"Huh." she said, simply. "That's unexpected."

"You couldn't tell?" I asked.

"I may be observant, but I'm not all-knowing, Bella," she said, smirking. "I always knew you two were very touchy-feely, but that's not unusual between female friends. Lauren did try to insinuate there was something going on between the two of you, but no one listened to her."

"A wise decision," I remarked, internally heaving a massive sigh of relief at the fact that Angela wasn't reacting negatively. "But yeah, looking back it seemed obvious to me. I almost felt embarassed at my own obliviousness."

"Bella, you don't need to feel embarassed. You weren't ready to understand that part of yourself yet. It happens." Angela spoke very calmly and reassuringly, and it made me feel much better, before I felt another pang of sadness.

"Yeah. It just sucks figuring it out when...she's not coming back, you know? If she was here, I'd want to..." I trailed off, blinking away small tears and unsure of how to continue. Angela gave my hand another reassuring squeeze.

"I understand, Bella." And I really felt that she did. And I was extremely grateful for that.

For the rest of the meal, we blathered about frivolous topics, classes, things that held no real weight, which I was grateful. It was nice to have an evening where I didn't have to spend so much time fretting about my emotions. We paid the check, and left at a languid pace, laughing and taking in the air. As Angela approached her car, my eyes drifted across the street. I looked at the faces, the smiles and the laughing. I realized that, I again, was one of these people. Someone living life, like a normal person. Not worrying about immortality, imminent death, or relationships. Just someone out with a friend, enjoying their night. Of course, all that went to shit when my eyes drifted too far, and I froze. Across the street from me, stood a person with fiery red hair, pale skin, immaculate beauty and orange eyes. Victoria was here, near me. And she was smiling. This expression, while beautiful, was also terrifying. Why was she here? Why now? Why can't I just have a decent night without someone nearby who could potentially kill me?

* * *

I managed to quite successfully conceal my fear from Angela on the ride home. I just gave her a thing explanation that stated I saw a woman who looked like Alice and it made me wistful, which she thankfully swallowed easily. I spent the rest of the ride brooding over the reappearance of Victoria. Part of me was worried that, naturally, she wanted to kill me for what Edward did to James. But then, I thought, why wait so long? After all, she's an extremely strong immortal being - it made no logical sense for her to get bogged down with some slow-burn, complicated revenge plot? It would probably be much more efficient to just drain me, take my corpse to wherever the Cullens live now, and dump me there? That would be quick, and wouldn't require months of unnecessary planning. I sighed. I will never understand vampires.

Of course, the tiny hopeful side of me thought maybe she could take me, alive, to the Cullens, to Alice. But why do that when it would be much easier to kill me? To be frank, the best I could hope for would be that she might fuck me and _then_ kill me, like the Cullens' succubus cousins (reformed succubi, I supposed). Which I admit, held some appeal to me. Next to Alice, Victoria was easily the most beautiful vampire I had ever seen. I remembered the first time I saw her in the baseball field, and I lost my breath. She had been so beautiful, it literally took my breath away. God, I had been attracted to her too, hadn't I? God, this should have been more obvious. I banged my head into Angela's dashboard in frustration. Angela gave me a concerned look.

"Oh, it's nothing - just irritated that I'm not over Alice," I said placatingly. Angela gave me another understanding expression, and squeezed my hand again. I had a fleeting thought that, if Victoria did kill me, this could be the last time I ever saw Angela, and I almost cried again. God, none of this was fair.

When Angela dropped me off, I gave her a far too long hug, and kissed her cheek, before heading inside my house to face Charlie. It was late, but he was there, sitting in the living room with a beer, watching me wearily. I immediately composed myself, and gave him a broad grin.

"I had a lot of fun, Charlie, don't worry. It was nice, having some girl time. We talked about...a lot," I said, hoping to indicate that some progress had been made on the catatonia front. Charlie returned my smile and heaved himself off the couch.

"I'm glad to hear that, Bells. I was wondering when you'd get back, it's late you know," he said, attempting to sound stern and failing. He was clearly so relieved I had had some human interaction that he didn't care about my curfew.

"I'm glad I went," I replied simply. Charlie pulled me into another of his awkward hugs, and I fully returned it this time. I felt even more tears forming in my eyes (Jesus, I'm crying a lot tonight) as I worried that Victoria might kill him too. I decided to make this count, so I kissed him on the cheek as well, and whispered, "I love you, Dad," in his ear before I separated us. I cautiously walked up the stairs, entered my room, and shut the door. Turning on the light, I felt my heart drop out through my stomach. There, sitting on my bed, was Victoria, that same sinister smile marking her features.

"Well, Isabella," she purred, "we have a lot of catching up to do, don't we?"


	3. Kill Me, But Screw Me First

_A/N: So yeah, this story is moving along at a lovely pace, isn't it? Anyway, this chapter picks things up, and the endgame becomes very clear._  
 _I don't own Twilight but, I mean, that's obvious.  
_

* * *

 _Chapter 3 - Kill Me, But Screw Me First_

"I…" I have no idea what to say. Victoria is sitting on my bed, and I do not fucking know what to do. Do I run? Scream? Do I do anything? I mean, she's a vampire, it's not like I can outrun her. Screaming would alert Charlie but she could either A) be out of here by the time he got in the room or b) kill him. There's no winning here.

"You what, Bella?" said Victoria. Her voice sounded much sultrier than I had imagined it - it was husky and low, a far cry from the soprano tones of Alice, Esme and Rosalie. I shuddered internally.

"I...why are you here, Victoria?" I asked, my voice wavering and exposing my obvious nervousness. Victoria smirked, and felt my breath catch. She really was beautiful, bloodthirsty tendencies aside.

"I had been meaning to come back for a while," she said, standing up and approaching me. I backed into the wall, fear and arousal compelling me away from her.

"Why?" I responded, my voice again shaky.

"I wanted to check in on the human girl that pushed an entire coven to fight on her behalf. Do you realize how rare it is for our kind to interact with humans for anything beyond...pleasure?" I shivered again as she approached me. "It was a breathtaking sight. As are you." She inched closer to me, her face close to mine.

"I thought vampires don't breathe," I whispered, internally slapping myself for making a joke.

"Not if we don't have to. But as I was saying..." She was now very close to my face, and I could feel myself getting wet. "I was drawn to you in that field, the first time I saw you. I wanted to approach you, but then _James_ decided to hunt you." The way she said her mate's name shocked me - it was full of disdain and annoyance. I was now fully pressed against the wall, Victoria's lips barely an inch from my own. She slid her knee between my legs, spreading them further apart and positioning her hips so it was directly over my sex.

"Why?" I said, my voice almost silent.

"I can't explain it. I have a theory...but even if it's false, I still want you. I am fascinated by you. I knew that coven would make it difficult to get to you, so I left for Seattle to plan. I attempted to create a new vampire to assist me, but he was foolish. His name was Riley, and I destroyed him almost as quickly as I turned him." She leaned forward to whisper in my ear. "So, imagine my surprise when I see you, alone, talking about how your vampire protector has abandoned you. And that you were beginning to feel attracted to that delicious little pixie." She trailed her hand up my arm, crossing my shoulder before she reached my face to trace the shape of my jaw.

"And so you followed me?"

"Of course I did," she purred in response. "I couldn't let you escape a second time"

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask, my eyes flickering towards her lips. God, do I even want this? What do I do? Do I allow her to take me? Kill me? Why does none of this scare me as much as it should? Yes, I'm scared, but I'm also...excited. This is both horrifying and thrilling all at one. Victoria didn't answer my question right away, pulling her self away briefly to look me over with her orange eyes. Orange? That can't be right, they should be red...wait, that isn't important right now. I mentally chastised myself, filing the information away to deal with later.

"I have a lot of plans, Isabella. I'm going back in forth between a few. But either way," she continued, smirking and running one of her hands over my hip, "you will be leaving here with me."

"How many of these plans involve my death?" I asked, trying to control my fear.

"A few," she said, letting out a breathy laugh. "I haven't decided yet." I sighed, shutting my eyes, and trying to allow myself to think. So, she was going to take me. I would never see Charlie again. Or Angela. And likely, not Alice either. Could I really deal with this? I don't have much of a choice, really. Fine. If I'm being kidnapped, I'll do it on my terms.

"Alright," I said, steadying myself and taking a firm tone. "So you're going to take me. Fine. Just...try to stage the room to make it look like something happened. Try to at least give me father...something to hold onto. Some idea of what happened."

"That sounds quite agreeable," she purred. "Shall we go now?"

"If I have a choice...no. i want to wait until the morning, so I can say goodbye. And besides, Charlie is still awake, I think." She gave me an appraising look, nodded once, and stepped away from me. In a flash, she was halfway across the room, sitting in my rocking chair. My heart clenched at the image, so familiar to me, so reminiscent of the many nights Edward and Alice spent here.

"Fine, Isabella. We'll leave in the morning. Try to get some sleep."

"Bella. Call me Bella," I said, before I could stop myself. Is that normal - instructing your kidnapper what to call you? Oh, fuck normal, she's a vampire. Victoria gave me a dazzling smile, and nodded her consent.

"Fine. Sleep well...Bella," she said, her voice massaging my name like a caress. The way she said my name shot straight to between my thighs, and she smirked, likely smelling my reaction. I blushed, and hastily climbed into to bed, stripping out of my clothes into my undergarments. Pajamas seem a bit strange when you're going to be abandoning your father in the morning, I suppose. I looked over at her, and saw her eyes had gone jet black. Hmm, strange - Edward's had only done that when he was thirsty. Sigh - another question for later. I tried very hard, attempting to will sleep to come to me, but this proved difficult. I still didn't sleep well. Hmm, maybe... no. A foolish idea. I can't ask her.

Moments after I had this thought, I suddenly felt a cold body next to me. I turned and saw Victoria staring at me again, her eyes full of...compassion. She stretched her arms out, wrapping them around me.

"Do you need help sleeping?" she asked, concern evident in her voice. Great, so now she's concerned. Part of me wanted to tell her to go away, to shout and beg for Alice to come back to me, in the hope that she would see this in a vision. But I had a missed a vampire's touch, and I longed for a peaceful night's sleep. I reached out to wrap my arms around her, resting my head in the crook of her neck, and she complied, pulling us very close together. The icy temperature of her body felt so familiar and comforting, and I let out a contented sigh as I closed my eyes, relishing that I no longer had to sleep alone.

* * *

I woke up better rested than I had been since September. The night had passed without a single confusing dream or nightmare. My body wasn't even as cold as it had always been when waking up with Edward. There was a slight chill, of course, but I felt very comforted. I shifted myself, burying my face further into her soft chest. I probably should have been more embarrassed that I was using her breasts as a pillow, but I was only half awake and I didn't have the energy to let myself feel mortification at that fact. Besides, they were very comfortable, all things considered.

I looked up into Victoria's face. Her face had a mixture of amusement and annoyance stretched across it.

"You humans sleep for much longer than I remembered," she said, "I was worried you would never wake up. We have to get going, Isabella." I smirked, gazing at her perfect features. I fixated on her strange eye color again, and I finally had the nerve to ask.

"Your eyes, why are they orange?" I asked.

"I've been dabbling in your coven's...animal diet." Her face twisted in disgust, while I internally heaved a sigh of relief. "It's unpleasant, but manageable."

"Why the change?" I responded eagerly.

"Laurent said it...eased his conscience somewhat," she said, sighing. "I agree. I've never minded killing, and I admit I don't know if I'll ever fully switch over, but it lessens the burden of immortality, somewhat."

"So you don't mind killing?" I asked again, my fear returning slightly. If she didn't mind taking someone's life...

"I don't, not particularly. Lives mean less the longer you live," she said, her voice as casual as though she was describing the weather. Shit. So my life isn't as secure as I thought.

"So...you might still kill me," I said, my voice quivering. She smirked, and leaned close to my face, her lips inches from mine.

"I'm still debating on that subject. You do smell divine...but if I keep you alive, I think you will be much more useful to me. Of course, I could always..." As she trailed off, she leaned into my neck, and inhaled the scent of my throat. I shuddered as I understood her meaning. And I felt that perhaps wasn't the worst option. But at this point, neither was death.

"Why would you want to?" I asked, confused.

"There are several things I must explain Isabella. But not right now. Rest for a bit," she purred. I felt heat pool between my legs again, and I sighed. Well, there were worse things I suppose I could do.

We lay there together for a long time, unmoving, until I heard a knock on my door. I jolted up from the intimate position me and Victoria were sharing, and froze. Charlie. Shit.

"Hey, Bells, I'm heading out! I'll see you later!" he called from the hallway. I felt my heart jolt. This would be the last time I'd hear his voice. In a less than fluid movement, I shouted "WAIT," jumped out of bed and attempted to head over the door. My mind was going at a mile a minute, emotion after emotion flickering through, but I had no time - I had no time. I slammed the door open, and came face to face with my very confused father.

"Bells?" he asked, uncomprehending. I opened my mouth, but I felt myself beginning to cry, so I chose not to talk. Instead, I flung my arms around him and pulled him into a very tight hug. The tears threatened to spill over, but I fought them, instead burying my face in his shoulder. He returned the hug apprehensively, and I inhaled his scent - I tried to remember everything about him I could. God, this can't be happening.

"Sorry, Dad, I just," I said, muffled into his shirt, "I love you. And I don't say it enough." He rubbed my back gently, and I sighed. This was too much.

"Sure, Bella. But...I really do have to make it to work," he says, somewhat surprised. I let out a strangled laugh/sob and pulled away, forcing a smile onto my face.

"Right. You should get going." I kept my smile up, and looked at his face. He was staring at me, confused and suspicious, but clearly unsure of what to do. I wondered for a moment where Victoria had hidden herself, before remembering, oh yeah, she's a vampire, she could have leapt out the window without me even noticing. Charlie stood there for a few moments, just looking at me, before he nodded and swiftly exited the house. I heard him drive away, and then I let out a few sobs. That was it. The last time I'd ever see my father. I didn't want Victoria to see me cry, but I was having a very hard time holding it back. I shuddered, and steadied myself once more. That was it. This was _it._

"I'm sure that was very difficult for you, but we really should get going," said Victoria. She was standing by my window, looking somehow equally concerned and bored out of her mind. I swallowed, and nodded.

"Remember...stage the house." I said in a clipped tone. Victoria nodded before disappearing downstairs. I heard her shove some furniture around, and break a window. She appeared next to me instantaneously. She gave me her hand.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Not really. But it's not as though I have much choice in the matter, is it," I said, quietly. Victoria gave me a onceover, before pulling me into a hug.

"I'll explain soon. Don't worry." Before I knew it, I was out of the embrace, and she was carrying me, bridal style, down the stairs. I blushed, and she smirked at me knowingly, before switching into a run and leaping out the broken window.

* * *

After an endless blur of leaves, trees and dirt, suddenly she stopped, and let me down. I staggered sideways, before steadying myself. I tried to straighten my thoughts out as I took in my surroundings. We were in a very small living room - it was decorated lightly, as though hardly anyone lived here. How does Victoria have a house? Is this her house? And where are we exactly?

"Where are we, exactly?" I asked, collapsing onto a couch, breathing heavily. Looking over and out the window, I saw that we were somewhere in the woods. Not fully isolated, as I could see buildings distantly through the trees, but still far enough from society that it made me nervous - very nervous.

"Somewhere on the outskirts of Portland. The house was abandoned when I arrived, and no one has shown up yet, so I'm guessing no one lives here." said Victoria, sitting next to me. She seemed very calm, and I attempted to match her.

"So…have you settled on a plan?" I asked, trying to sound relaxed.

"I'm close to deciding. Extremely close," she said, a smirk coloring her features. Shit. "I…I don't know if I want to die," I blurted out.

"You might?" she asked, her face switching from amusement to an emotion I didn't recognize.

"Well," I began, trying to speak honestly, "I don't have much to live for. I just left my father, my surrogate 'family' abandoned me, and almost all of my friends have been totally alienated by my antisocial behavior."

"The tall brunette didn't seem to mind you," said Victoria, a hit of bitterness in her tone. Hmm. Strange.

"Yes, well, Angela was always good at forgiving. That's really not the point, though. I mean…there is no reason for you to come back. Is this for revenge on me for what Edward did to James?" I asked, realizing as I did so that saying his name out loud no longer caused the tear in my chest it would have just days ago. Victoria sighed, pinching her nose in frustration.

"This is not about James, Bella. I did not care for him. I joined him to stop him from killing me. We were never mates," she said. They weren't…mates? The word drew me back to that fateful day in the woods, Edward's parting words: _'We are not mates, Isabella. We never were. Your blood tempted me, which made me believe it. But you're not my mate - you're just a normal human. You have no significance.'_ Even with my new found hatred for him, this still stung. I have significance, I thought to myself. I do have it.

"So then…why were you with him if he wanted to kill you?" I asked, tearing myself from my own train of thought. "And…how did you know he wasn't your mate?" A deeper look of exasperation crossed Victoria's face, and she let out a long, beleaguered sigh.

"They really did not tell you much, did they?" she said.

"No, I suppose not."

"Isabella…Bella," Victoria corrected herself, and I smiled slightly, before I remembered her using my nickname didn't mean she wouldn't kill me. "When a vampire meets their mate, the knowledge is instantaneous - you can feel it. It's sort of instinctual, I suppose. Like animals. James was not my mate. but he was obsessed with me - I was one of his tracking projects."

"Like me?"

"Yes. Eventually he was impressed by me and asked me to join him. We were together purely for convenience and companionship. He was a creep, really." She sighed again. So…mates were instantaneous? Edward would have known right away we weren't meant to be together? Or maybe because I was human…I shook my head, chasing away the thoughts. I felt tears forming in my eyes, and I fought them. If Edward knew, and Alice knew…Jasper would have known…wouldn't Esme have realized?

"So would they…" I began to ask, and then stopped. I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer. Victoria's face shifted again, leaning towards something like genuine sympathy, and she took my hand.

"When the individual is human, it's different. You feel a general pull towards them. You can't read it as clearly when they're a vampire though. It could mean they're your mate, it could mean they're your singer, it could mean you're just meant to be in their lives as a coven mate. It's harder to read. My guess is that the Cullens were unsure of what direction you and him would take." Her face darkened at this. "It was still foolish to lie to you."

"I agree," I said, feeling slightly better. But only slightly.

"Also, I must admit something - when I first saw you, in that field…" began Victoria, inching closer to me, her face inches from mine, "I felt a pull. I wasn't sure what it meant. But your protector reacted too quickly to find out." I froze at this—Edward had reacted so aggressively in the field. He had obviously heard James's malicious intent. But…would he have heard Victoria's…attraction to me? Could that have made him angry as well? I scanned that night mentally in my memories, and I remember him being extremely possessive, pulling me quickly to him. Had he…did he…

"ASSHOLE!" I should involuntarily. "FUCKING. ASSHOLE." I looked over at Victoria, who looked surprised but vaguely amused.

"I don't disagree, but why?" she asked.

"He…Edward could read minds, Victoria. That's his gift. He was a mind reader. He would have head that in your thoughts, along with James's sick game…maybe that's another reason why he took me away. Possessive asshole." I felt infuriated again. "So what, two vampires want to claim me and suddenly he cares? Then in September I' nothing? I don't understand it. I really don't. I'm so…so…tired." I clutched my knees to my chest and hid my face .That was it. I was exhausted and sick, sick of vampires, sick of trying to decipher their meaning. I was tired of living in this world. I felt an icy hand on my lower back been rubbing circles, and I wanted to object, but I didn't.

"It wouldn't surprise me if he did that. He seemed very...obsessed with you. As for what changed it, I cannot say. All I know is he never would have known for sure if you were his mate until he changed you." Victoria spoke in a very soothing tone, yet somehow it didn't help my growing feelings of despair.

"He always said...he never wanted to change me," I whispered. He didn't want to know. Alice didn't want him to know. I was back to feeling the existential dread and depression I had been affected by.

"Well, the truth is, Bella...I am curious," purred Victoria. "I'm not sure what you are to me. I could drink your blood, and you could be my singer. I could change you, and you could be my mate; or you might not be, and I'd be stuck with a very pissed newborn. It's a risk. I could also just kill you for the fun of it." This made my blood run cold. "Or not," she added quickly, sensing my fear. "I could also keep you human, and keep you around for my amusement." Of course, I thought to myself. She wants me, but she might not, either - she's a real vampire. She doesn't have such a hard attachment to humanity.

"Wonderful," I said bitterly. Maybe I should just let her kill me. Slow as I may be in coming to terms with my sexuality, I'm not sure how I feel about mating with Victoria. It wasn't a repulsive thought at all, it gave me a certain pleasure, but...was I ready?

"Bella," she said, pulling me to face her. I opened my watery eyes, and looked at her. I had never seen her this sincere. "This is your choice. What do you want? Do you want to take the risk? Do you want to stay human? Or do you want to die?" I thought...and I thought...and I decided what I would be able to handle. It took a few minutes, but I decided...I didn't care about my own fears.

"Kill me," I said. I saw her face fall slightly, before turning back to stone. "Wait."

"What?" she asked.

"Victoria, please. Listen." I took a deep breath. "Kill me...but screw me first." Her face remained a mask of stone, before it contorted into a grotesquely predatory smile.

"As you wish," she responded, before claiming my lips with her own.

* * *

 _A/N: Well, there you are. There will be a lemon next chapter, but I haven't decided how explicit it will be. Finally, the (sort of) plot begins!_


	4. Fire and Ice

_A/N: Yep, there's a sex scene, and it's my first real attempt at one. Let me know if you like it! (If you don't, keep that to yourself) Either way, this is a short one, but the next chapter will be longer.  
Like I said, this has sex, and this is femslash - so stay away if you don't want that. None of these characters are mine, all rights to Stephenie Meyer._

* * *

 _Chapter Four - Fire and Ice_

Victoria was kissing me. _Victoria_ was kissing me. This was not the prudish, closed-lip nonsense Edward had insisted on, this was fiery and passionate. Her lips moved against mine with a much greater ease, and she quickly slipped her icy cold tongue into my mouth, eliciting a small moan from me. I opened my eyes and saw that Victoria was completely absorbed, her attention fully on me. I had limited experience with what desire looked like, but I know how it felt, and it looked like Victoria and I were on the same page. I shut my eyes again and wound my fingers through her hair. She responded by pulling me tighter to her, grabbing my leg and wrapping it around her waist. We were completely pressed together, mouth to mouth, chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis; I felt a fire burning between my thighs, and I didn't know what to do.

Gasping, I disconnected my from Victoria's lips, and breathed out "Take me upstairs." In a flash, I was sitting on a mattress, and Victoria was walking towards me, a predatory gleam in her eyes. And then, suddenly, her clothes were torn off of her, and I gasped. I had never seen anything more beautiful. It was like the Venus de Milo was standing before me, body smooth like marble. Her breasts looked as hard as the rest of her, but I could tell they would feel soft to touch. I raked my eyes over, pausing at her beautiful center. If I had any doubts before about whether or not I wanted to do this before, they vanished as I took in her naked form.

I lifted up my shirt, but Victoria too tore off my clothes, and she was now leaning over me, her breasts touching mine, and her mouth slightly open, as though she would be drooling if she were still human. I reached up and traced her body with fingers, shuddering at the cool feel of her skin. She was both hard and soft, warm and cold all at once. I settled on her breasts, and gently touched once of pert, pink nipples. She immediately hissed and arched her back at my touch, and I continued, massaging the soft mound in my hand. I looked at her, saw her coal black eyes, and leaned over to take her breast in my mouth. This prompted another hiss, and I was suddenly on my back, the red-headed vampire staring me intently, pressing her knee in between my thighs.

"I've never done this before." I gasped, as she began to kiss my breasts.

"I know," she replied, though it was slightly muffled.

"You're going to have to show me what to do," I said, panting as she kissed down my stomach. She looked at me and then gently kissed my lips.

"I know. And I'm going to greatly enjoy it, little human." She kissed me roughly, rubbing her pelvis against mine, and I gasped again, bucking my hips into her, desperate for friction. She placed one hand back on my breast as she continued to make a path down my chest, before she reached my sex. I was embarrassingly wet, and Victoria pressed her nose into me, inhaling deeply and shuddering. And then, she began to lick between my legs.

It was a sensation like nothing I had ever experienced. Her tongue was as cold as the rest of her, but it failed to chill me, and it was as fluid as anything. She made fast, wrapped movements, and I once again buried my hands in hair, still quite unable to fathom what was going on. Victoria's head was between my legs and she was pleasuring me, licking me, her tongue circling my clit and tracing every inch of my insides. It was so much more than anything I could have possibly prepared for. My hips were writhing against her, and I knew I wouldn't last much longer, the fire growing with every second.

With one final flick of her tongue, Victoria brought me over, and I came with a sound that barely sounded human. I certainly didn't feel human. I felt like purring at what Victoria did, but at the same time I was still alert, feral and aroused. I had never experienced pleasure quite lack, and I wanted to relive it. More importantly, I wanted to pleasure Victoria. I pulled hair, forcing her into a seated position and pushed her down on her back. She could have easily resisted, but she allowed me to manhandle her.

"I want," I said, as I kissed down her throat, "to try on you." I looked up at her, and the terrifying yet arousing grin was back.

"I would be delighted to teach you, Isabella." And she kissed me again, and we did not resurface for quite a long time.

* * *

I had no idea what the time was, but I knew it was very late. I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. Where was I again? I looked over and saw the still naked Victoria, grinning at me, tracing circles in the divet of my hip, and I blushed, remembering how we had spent the day.

"You passed out," she said, smirking. "Apparently after a certain amount of orgasms, you humans need rest."

"So nine is the magic number?" I asked, laughing slightly. Victoria laughed with me, before looking at me hungrily.

"I really don't to want to kill you now, Bella," she said, her voice half-sincere. I sighed. I had to admit, my death was less appealing now that I had tasted Victoria. She was far more exciting than the Cullens had ever been. And she certainly had more self control than Edward. She could actually be with me. I blushed again.

"I don't want you to kill me either," I said, quietly. " Right now I can't think of anything I don't like about living. Though I have to say, this bruising isn't ideal" I gestured down at my nude body. Pale, yellow bruises that had appeared all over me, most in the shape of Victoria's fingers and mouth. Victoria looked at me again, though she didn't focus much on the bruises, and smiled again.

"Isabella, there really is an easy solution for that," she replied.

"And what would that be?" I asked.

"I think I'd prefer to show rather than tell." I debated this and nodded. In a flash Victoria was on top me, kissing me hungrily. I returned the kiss, wrapping my arms around her, and moaning, as her mouth went to my throat. Before I process was happening, there was a searing pain as she sank her teeth into my neck. I screamed at the pain as she began to drink, and feebly attempted to push her off of me. I didn't want to live forever, I thought I told her this; how could I live, uncertain of my fate? I would certainly see Alice again, even with an eternity. And did Victoria really want me? I suppose turning me into a member of the undead, indicated interest, but I felt so unsure. Either way, she was drinking too much, and I was beginning to feel woozy.

Maybe I was dying. Maybe I wasn't, but I could feel my vision growing hazy. I weakly said out, "Victoria…" but it was more like a whisper. Suddenly, I felt her detach from my neck, and lean towards my ear.

"I understand if you're apprehensive, but I promise it's worth it. I can't let you go, Isabella," she said. "The fact is…I'm pretty sure you're my mate. I've been sure since that day in the clearing. But your vampire protectors kept me from you. I know it's a gamble, but it's too delicious a risk not to take it. Either way, I want you to be mine. And you will be." With a final kiss, she scooped me up, and left the house. I could feel the wind flowing past us as she sprinted through the woods. Then, slowly, I started to turn. And the fire began.


	5. Mine

A/N: Hi, so I know its been a while, but...yeah I don't have an excuse. I struggled with tackling the sort of vsexuality that was and is going to be necessary with how I have set up this story, and I didn't want to half-ass this. Life got in the way for me, and I have been writing and writing and REWRITING this chapter for so long (despite how short it is). Mental heath gets the way a lot of the time for me, but I sort of finally feel like I'm back on track.

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Chapter Five - Mine

Everything was on fire. My veins, my skin, my throat. I felt as though molten lava had been dumped in my veins, and was now being pumped continuously throughout my body in a slow, torturous process. Initially, my first thought upon the full commencement of the pain was "Wow — I am a fucking moron." I spent months, depressed, mooning, saying to myself "There is no pain greater than this, nothing is worse than a broken heart." What a naive idiot I sounded like. No matter how severe I thought my emotional distress, it was absolutely nothing in comparison to the feeling of vampire venom in my blood.

Blood...Blood! I realized I was covered in my own blood and I could smell it. Victoria had been somewhat overzealous when she drank from me, and had spilled quite a bit, in her commitment to "trying to avoid human blood." But the consequence of this was I had a fair amount of dried blood left on my breasts, and as my transformation progressed, it began to smell more appealing. I could feel a burning rising in my throat, growing harder to ignore and more omnipresent in my thought process. I knew I would be able to control myself enough that I would attempt to lick my own blood off myself, or rather, I hoped Victoria would be able to prevent this from happening.

Throughout the transformation, my anger at Victoria ebbed and flowed. I had asked her to kill me, which was, I admit, inherently foolish, but I hoped she would at least keep her end of the bargain up. The sex was good, correction, great, but it didn't mean it had restored my will to live. Did I really want this, this unchanging experience that would permanently render me dependent on the blood of others to survive? And did I really want Victoria, murderous, dangerous Victoria as my mate? It didn't seem as though I had a choice in the matter, though; the second the transformation had kicked in, and my senses increased in potency, I was immediately struck by how wonderful she smelled. As a human, I had enjoyed her scent, but now it was overwhelming. Not only was the smell compelling, it was arousing; it is a very strange experience to be slowly transforming into a vampire, all the while being extremely, embarrassingly wet.

It was at this point that I ultimately decided: I will not be furious with Victoria. This is my life now. And I may as well embrace it. This concept of predetermined mates still didn't sit quite right with me, because it had to have meant Alice knew Edward and I weren't meant to be together. There's no way that a household featuring a psychic, a mindreader and an empath couldn't have put together that Edward and I didn't quite fit together. Someone must have known, and they either didn't care or just ignored it and didn't tell anyone. I doubt even Rosalie would even be that malicious.

While Victoria ran, I pondered all the most likely scenarios. Was Edward or Alice a vindictive sadist, was Jasper manipulating us to feel love for each other, was my entire involvement with the family some bizarre exercise in gaslighting? Questions that I had spent hours in the fall thinking on resurfaced, and I zealously fixated on them, as though they would be able to take away my pain, or distract me from the liquid heat that surged through me. I vacillated between fixating on Victoria's breathing, my own bodily reactions, and these increasingly unlikely theories. I tried to shut my mind down, to acheive some form of sleep, but everything in my mind was so frustratingly present. The more I tried to rest and grow dark, the more my mind screeched at me to wake up. The transformation seemed to be beginning its process of warping my mind. I sighed, and then screamed as I returned to my focus on the pain.

* * *

I didn't know how long it had been, but it must have been days. The pain was there, but it was beginning to lessen slowly. I knew Victoria was nearby, but I was no longer in her arms. We had passed through a variety of locations, and it appeared that we were now in a forest, based on the potent smell of earth and leaves that filled my nostrils. I could also hear birds flying and making noises what must have been very high above me, as well as the sound of other distant wildlife. I tried to stop listening to heavily, and focused on my immediate area; I could hear what sounded like Victoria breathing over me, and what my heartbeat slowing in my chest. The smell of my blood was making my throat burn.

"Bella," whispered Victoria, surprising me, "I'm going to put you in the river now, alright? My guess is the dried blood is making you thirsty, and I'm going to wash it off of you. Alright?" I still could barely move, but I attempted to speak. It came out as a garbled scream-like sigh, prompting laughter from Victoria.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." She then picked me up and walked over into the river, submerging me in the water. I felt ice crack, and I realized we must be somewhere up north. I felt cold, freezing washing over my skin, yet it didn't prompt me to shake or shiver. The cool temperature of the water felt quite pleasant, while Victoria moved her hands over my chest, arms and neck, clearing off the blood. It struck me then that her hands no longer felt cold to me, but instead felt warm, almost like my skin. The marble-like texture of her skin now felt soft against mine, which I imagine now had a similar feel. All of a sudden, my heartbeat increased rapidly, and I had one final burst of the burning fire. I began to shake and trash violently, breaking Victoria's hold on me. My heartbeat began to increase, increase, increase, faster, faster, faster. I felt as though I was going insane, the fire in my chest overwhelming, and I let out a scream.

And then, as suddenly as it had begun, my heart stopped beating, and the pain evaporated. I could feel all my limbs and senses again, and I stood up in the river. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes, and was stunned. Everything was so bright, and clear. I could see the entirety of the exquisite brown trees that surrounded us, and miles of the sea of white snow that appeared to stretch endlessly around us. And then I turned and saw Victoria. She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I could see her fiery red hair clearer than I ever could, bright like the sun; her pale, exquisite skin, and her features that appeared to be carved out of stone. Her high cheekbones, her plump lips, her haunting red eyes; had she always been this beautiful? Or had my foolish human eyes never been able to properly appreciate her. I began to walk over to her, feeling a pull, telling me that I needed to be near her at this very moment. She smiled, her teeth shining in the sunlight, and reached out an arm to me. I touched her, and shuddered as I felt what seemed to be an electric charge surging through me. This, with her, was purely an instinctual thing. I looked into her eyes, and growled out a single word: " _Mine_."

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A/N: Again, sorry for the delay! Let me know what you think!


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